(or why I dont sleep well)
OK, this morning we are going back to Genesis. Genesis 3.
Oh, dont roll your eyes at me, you all knew Id end up here eventually.
V. 5&6, are my first issue. and as usual, my issues are ones that have been widely ignored.
In verse 5, the serpent says "youll know good and evil" - But this is pre-fall... so *why* in verse 6, then, does Eve *want* "wisdom".
Most theologians dont deal with motive, really. They respond with a very post fall attitude. Of *course* she wanted to be wise. She had free will, (Ill get back to this) and wisdom is always desirable... and obviously, she didnt *really* understand the command that God gave - because she mis-quotes Him, badly. SO she eats.
Its a very simplistic explanation.
It allows us to shift the blame for the fall to Adam, if we want, who obviously didnt do a good job of explaining the situation to his wife... oh hold up... theres that post fall attitude again... who says it was Adam who told her?
Lets *define* evil, first of all.
From Wikipedia - Evil is intentionally causing harm or destruction, or deliberately violating some moral code. The philosophical question of whether morality is absolute or relative leads to questions about the nature of evil. Evil is usually seen as the opposite of good.
But this isnt the biblical view of Evil at all. Its what *we've* decided that evil *should* be, in order to make ourselves feel better. God tells us that evil, is whenever we seek something for ourselves, without any thought to Him, or anybody else. Evil, is taking the last cookie in the jar, without offering it to someone else first. Evil, is the very idea of "I want"
This is probably why, btw, Ive embraced Taoism/Buddism. If there was *ever* a non-evil, in the biblical sense, way of life, its *Zen*.
SO what did the Serpent *really* offer her?
Something *just* for her.
It probably wasnt even something she had ever thought of before. But being who and what she was, and having free-will - unclouded by all concepts of culture that we have today. Un manipulated by centuries of guilt and dogma... She tried.
And in that moment, she learned the wondrous thrill of *selfishness*.
Now she goes to Adam. Shes probably feeling a bit smug. Like any woman does when shes "discovered" something *soooooo* good. And if shes a normal woman, she doesnt tell him what it is. And he trusts her.
Up untill that point, they've been equals. He doesnt see her as something he owns, but as a pure extension of himself. He *does* treat her, exactly as he would treat himself. And since He would take anything *he* took. (wow, is that bad grammar) He takes from her.
v.16(b) Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And (R)he will rule over you."
He didnt tell the man that he would rule over her. He told *her*. He *hardwired* it into *her* mind, not his. And this has caused more duality of thought then any other troubling concept since the dawn of time.
You see, as Ive pointed out before - our "souls" - long for heaven. The perfection - and since we dont have the tools to fill that desperate need here on earth, we try *anything*, and *everything* to fill it. Most of us are not capable of just sitting back and waiting. Of course, if we are truely honest with ourselves, most of us dont know... not really... and certainly dont understand that the longing *cant* be filled here. And more to the point - we dont want to hear that.
But because of this, we as women *know* how we should be treated. And we *want* it. We want the equality, the fairness.
Problem is, we are incapable of it.
Because we *want* him to rule over us.
And this, dear people, is why we flirt, and demand the right to dress provocatively, and "look our best" This is why "looking our best" has slowly morphed into "looking like teenage jail bait dressed as a prostitot" - Because its the lowest, most debased form of *lust*.
Oh yes, some of us rebel. We dress like men, or - in shapeless, unattractive garments, demanding respect. But its not in our nature. its something we have aquired by again, a selfish nature demanding things that we ourselves cannot allow *him* - the faceless entity of male animal to give.
In the garden, it probably worked perfectly. He made *her* attractive - and made *him* visually stimulated. He sees her, he gets aroused, so he does whatever it takes to get her into bed. Shes pleased as punch because it brings them together. The affection and arousal that he planned for us to have. Uncomplicated by selfishness, ego, or ulterior motives.
If God has just stopped there... it might have still worked out. She wants him, he wants her... not too bad. But God knew how he programed us... and so, we have vs. 17 - 19.
17Then to Adam He said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat from it';
(S)Cursed is the ground because of you;
(T)In toil you will eat of it
All the days of your life.
18"Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;
And you will eat the plants of the field;
19By the sweat of your face
You will eat bread,
Till you (U)return to the ground,
Because (V)from it you were taken;
For you are dust,
And to dust you shall return."
His interest *isnt* ruling over her. *His* interest is ruling over his *work*.
He's still visually stimulated. Hes now selfish as hell - literally.
And all he wants is "his piece of the pie"
And this my friends, is an absolute recipe for disaster. Because now she wants him, but he just wants *more*. And its *hardwired* into him. This isnt something he has a choice about, people. And I think its probably why in someways, there are so many attacks on the eastern cultures... It may even be why later, in the times of Noah, God made *sure* that those beliefs would be strongly maligned. Or at the very least, depending on where you sit on the idea of free-will post curse, allowed it to happen the way it did.
Because lets be honest - "Zen" isnt going to bring about the end of the world.
Then again - it only takes one man with a sword, who wants *more* - to destroy peace. And the sons of Japeth, unfortunately, bred like rabbits. Those selfish, greedy bastards *(yes, insert all the sarcasm, or humor, you want into that statement, please)*
SO the next time you blame someone for being "entitled" or "misogynistic" or even just strongly biased, remember - *hardwired*. We honestly *cant*help*it*. And the moment you put that label on them, also remember - the only reason why you get angry at *them* isnt just because they are wrong, dear reader, but because you feel that they are getting in *your* way, too. Of what *you* want. Because I too, am hardwired, to want what I want. And in moments when I am at my best, Ill let it slide, realizing that sometime in the future, it wont matter - and not only will it not matter, but I *will* be fully satisfied, and having them bend to my will wont change that now.
In moments when Im not at my best - well..
I am, after all - just a bag of flesh. So forgive me, and move on. If you feel like it *wg*.
_____________________________________________________________________________
after posting this, I found this - and I laughed, a bit too much.....
The world had a beginning
which we call the Great Mother.
Once we have found the Mother,
we begin to know what Her children should be.
When we know we are the Mother's child,
we begin to guard the qualities of the Mother in us.
She will protect us from all danger
even if we lose our life.
Keep your mouth closed
and embrace a simple life,
and you will live care-free until the end of your days.
If you try to talk your way into a better life
there will be no end to your trouble.
To understand the small is called clarity.
Knowing how to yield is called strength.
To use your inner light for understanding
regardless of the danger
is called depending on the Constant.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Politely put....are you trying to kill me?
In my effort to shed those unsightly pounds I spoke of last time I was venting, I took advantage of my place in Spa Lady system, and took an appointment with a personal trainer.
This is not an old fashioned Spa Lady PT. SInce we have been bought out by World Health, we now have PT's of a much more serious and scary nature. Women who could only best be described as "scarier then me". These are not "pretty little gym bunnies" These are serious professional athletes who have turned a sado-masochistic lifestyle into serious profit.
So for those of you who read this... this is not a workout that any of you would ever, or *should* ever, probably follow. This is a workout tailored to me. And its not for beginners, or the inexperienced with any kind of weights. Its not quite as hardcore though, as the one my boss does, either. But, shes not bearing the label of "just returning" either.
We very quickly located my weakest areas. Which, oddly enough, are my thighs. Usualy the strongest muscle group, and definitely the largest muscle group on a person, the thighs and ass - allright *my* thighs and ass are actually quite weak, from years of sitting. This, coupled with the rather ironical fact that I *havent* put on a lot of weight, means that muscles there have rather atrophied, and need - extensive work. So I have been given the plan that follows. It *is* a full body workout - but does strongly focus on thighs and butt.
1) cable weights. attach a double ended rope to pully system. stand in close, and pull down to hip level from about face lvl. at the bottom, twist wrist, deeping the pull. works deltiod muscles more deeply. Pully appx 50 pounds. 15 - 20 reps.
2) cable weights. attach an ankle strap to a low sitting, 20 pound weight. Pull out, across the body. Turn, so you pull in, across the body. Turn to face machine, so you pull back, keeping your legs straight, careful not to lean in any particular direction. 15-20 reps, per side, per direction.
3) cable weights. Keeping the low sitting position, sit on ground, feet braced on the machine, legs straight. Change from ankle strap, to small, comfortable grip. Sit up straight. Pull in to stomach, squeezing shoulderblades together as hard as possible. (seated row). Weight is about 50 pounds. 15-20 reps.
4) lunges. these are called three point lunges. you do one forward, one to the side (although its really a front diagonal) and one to the back. again, its 15-20 reps, per side, per point.
5) squats. Done on the bosu ball - kinda. you need the soft side up. so its soft, squishy and rounded. you put one leg up onto the ball, squat, and then"walk" across the surface of the ball - sideways, so your opposite leg is now up on the ball. I found a quick hop across a bit easier, without sustained contact with it, but - on bad balance days, walking is just as hard, because then you actually have to balance *on* the soft, rounded surface of the ball. 15-20 reps, per side.
6) Arm curls. Done on that soft, squishy side of the bosu ball. So yes, you have to balance there, with a ten pound weight in each hand. Its just a simple, full curl, but when on such an unstable surface, it is much more difficult. 15-20 reps.
7) Kneeling crunches. This is a new one to me. You kneel on the ground, with the long two ended rope end attached to the cable weights. You settle those ends down on your shoulders, and then, straight backed, you crunch in your abs, bending you at the hips. 50 pounds, 20 reps.
8) 3 point sit ups. laying flat on the ground, legs stretched out, and arms over head with a 5 pound medicine ball you move up to sitting in one motion, arms staying overhead with medicine ball. turn to the left, bounce the ball, turn to the right, bounce the ball, lay back down, bringing the ball back overhead. 20 reps.
9) full reverse crunches. laying flat on ground, bring legs up straight, then lower.20 reps.
10) scissor - laying flat on ground, lift legs about a foot off of ground, legs go out wide, then come in and cross. 20 reps
11) hello dolly - laying flat on ground, lift one leg up and the opposite arm overhead, then switch, not letting the falling leg to touch the ground. 20 reps.
12) superman - lay flat on the ground on your stomach. lift legs, chest, and out-stretch arms. Hold for a slow 5 count. 10 reps.
All of this sound do-able? What happens if you have to later rinse repeat - 3 times? the whole thing?
Still sound plausible?
What if I add in cardio bursts?
1 minute between each exercise. These can be most anything I want, but some examples are the ever popular jumping jacks, running in spot, hopping through a ladder on the ground, or my new favorite... putting hands on either side of a bench, going into lunge formation at the end, and then switching legs with a jump. Your weight is mostly on your arms, and your legs go as fast as you can. Much fun.
In the effort not to kill myself, Ive decided Im going to break this down into three separate routines. (Hence my ulterior motive for writing it all down) But the effect is the same.
Pain... lots of pain.
cant wait *wg*
This is not an old fashioned Spa Lady PT. SInce we have been bought out by World Health, we now have PT's of a much more serious and scary nature. Women who could only best be described as "scarier then me". These are not "pretty little gym bunnies" These are serious professional athletes who have turned a sado-masochistic lifestyle into serious profit.
So for those of you who read this... this is not a workout that any of you would ever, or *should* ever, probably follow. This is a workout tailored to me. And its not for beginners, or the inexperienced with any kind of weights. Its not quite as hardcore though, as the one my boss does, either. But, shes not bearing the label of "just returning" either.
We very quickly located my weakest areas. Which, oddly enough, are my thighs. Usualy the strongest muscle group, and definitely the largest muscle group on a person, the thighs and ass - allright *my* thighs and ass are actually quite weak, from years of sitting. This, coupled with the rather ironical fact that I *havent* put on a lot of weight, means that muscles there have rather atrophied, and need - extensive work. So I have been given the plan that follows. It *is* a full body workout - but does strongly focus on thighs and butt.
1) cable weights. attach a double ended rope to pully system. stand in close, and pull down to hip level from about face lvl. at the bottom, twist wrist, deeping the pull. works deltiod muscles more deeply. Pully appx 50 pounds. 15 - 20 reps.
2) cable weights. attach an ankle strap to a low sitting, 20 pound weight. Pull out, across the body. Turn, so you pull in, across the body. Turn to face machine, so you pull back, keeping your legs straight, careful not to lean in any particular direction. 15-20 reps, per side, per direction.
3) cable weights. Keeping the low sitting position, sit on ground, feet braced on the machine, legs straight. Change from ankle strap, to small, comfortable grip. Sit up straight. Pull in to stomach, squeezing shoulderblades together as hard as possible. (seated row). Weight is about 50 pounds. 15-20 reps.
4) lunges. these are called three point lunges. you do one forward, one to the side (although its really a front diagonal) and one to the back. again, its 15-20 reps, per side, per point.
5) squats. Done on the bosu ball - kinda. you need the soft side up. so its soft, squishy and rounded. you put one leg up onto the ball, squat, and then"walk" across the surface of the ball - sideways, so your opposite leg is now up on the ball. I found a quick hop across a bit easier, without sustained contact with it, but - on bad balance days, walking is just as hard, because then you actually have to balance *on* the soft, rounded surface of the ball. 15-20 reps, per side.
6) Arm curls. Done on that soft, squishy side of the bosu ball. So yes, you have to balance there, with a ten pound weight in each hand. Its just a simple, full curl, but when on such an unstable surface, it is much more difficult. 15-20 reps.
7) Kneeling crunches. This is a new one to me. You kneel on the ground, with the long two ended rope end attached to the cable weights. You settle those ends down on your shoulders, and then, straight backed, you crunch in your abs, bending you at the hips. 50 pounds, 20 reps.
8) 3 point sit ups. laying flat on the ground, legs stretched out, and arms over head with a 5 pound medicine ball you move up to sitting in one motion, arms staying overhead with medicine ball. turn to the left, bounce the ball, turn to the right, bounce the ball, lay back down, bringing the ball back overhead. 20 reps.
9) full reverse crunches. laying flat on ground, bring legs up straight, then lower.20 reps.
10) scissor - laying flat on ground, lift legs about a foot off of ground, legs go out wide, then come in and cross. 20 reps
11) hello dolly - laying flat on ground, lift one leg up and the opposite arm overhead, then switch, not letting the falling leg to touch the ground. 20 reps.
12) superman - lay flat on the ground on your stomach. lift legs, chest, and out-stretch arms. Hold for a slow 5 count. 10 reps.
All of this sound do-able? What happens if you have to later rinse repeat - 3 times? the whole thing?
Still sound plausible?
What if I add in cardio bursts?
1 minute between each exercise. These can be most anything I want, but some examples are the ever popular jumping jacks, running in spot, hopping through a ladder on the ground, or my new favorite... putting hands on either side of a bench, going into lunge formation at the end, and then switching legs with a jump. Your weight is mostly on your arms, and your legs go as fast as you can. Much fun.
In the effort not to kill myself, Ive decided Im going to break this down into three separate routines. (Hence my ulterior motive for writing it all down) But the effect is the same.
Pain... lots of pain.
cant wait *wg*
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Just real quick - .
16 There are six things the LORD hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
19 a false witness who pours out lies
and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.
No where in there - does it mention - race, sexuality, or social status.
But - pride? - check.
lying - uhhuh
murderers - oh yes.
schemers - interesting, isnt it?
false witnesses - so much worse then just out right lying - but putting the wrong in the hands of the innocent.
condemning the wrong people.......
and people who try to tear apart relationships - familiel, or personal, Im thinking.
this is what the Lord *hates*.
seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
19 a false witness who pours out lies
and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.
No where in there - does it mention - race, sexuality, or social status.
But - pride? - check.
lying - uhhuh
murderers - oh yes.
schemers - interesting, isnt it?
false witnesses - so much worse then just out right lying - but putting the wrong in the hands of the innocent.
condemning the wrong people.......
and people who try to tear apart relationships - familiel, or personal, Im thinking.
this is what the Lord *hates*.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
I find more - christian inspiration -
in Buddism, and Taoism, then a do in most Christian devotionals.
for example -
If views of delusion and awakening are done away with and interpretations of turning toward and turning away are cut off, then this mind is as lucid and clear as the bright sun and this nature is vast and open as empty space; right where the person stands, he emits light and moves the earth, shining throughout the ten directions. Those who see this light fully realize the absolute truth that all things are unborn. When you arrive at such a time, naturally you are in tacit accord with this mind and this nature.
- Ta-hui
Its the first line, thats really captured my attention, tonight. "views of delusion". All the presuppositions and expectations that we carry with us every day, really are - rather - hilarious. We fully expect the people we live with, the people we interact with, to treat us how we want to be treated, no matter what kind of day they may be having, or how we treat them. We dont attmept to be at peace, with anybody.
We live in delusion to protect ourselves, I suppose. The naked truth is far too ugly.
But shed them, and there is - a kind of a peace, in recognizing, that no one except the Infinite, really gives a *fuck* about your problems. And only the infinite can help you with them.
People like to think that they care. But its all just about thier own delusions, racking up the brownie points so youll listen to *them*. Saving face so they wont seem so desperate.
And then theres the people who dont even bother. They just pour out for hours, alllllll the things they feel entitled to burden others with. They never ask about the person they are sitting down with. They just - spill. And honestly, even right now, what Im doing, right here, is the *same*damn* thing.
Anybody who blogs, or twitters, or - posts thier "what are youd oing right now" is guilty of it.
We pour out all this - stuff.... wether people want to read it or not. And we *expect* people to read it
We get angry when they dont, when they dont seem to care about our lives, as much as they do.
LM Montgomery once wrote that in the most perfect state of friendship, two people - two women, even, could sit alone in absolute companionable silence, and have a wonderful time. Not because there was nothing to say, but because there was no *need* to say it.
*that* is - perfection, really.
that is my "sound between the silences"
the moment you reach together, and touch the profound reality of - the real.
the less I blog, the more at peace I am. I only write when Im upset, and feeling - yes, Ill use the word - when Im feeling "entitled" to pour out the frustration and anger that I have. Dumping it all around me like some kind of toxic waste.
I think thats the heart - of "entitlement" - the reality of it.
toxic waste.
I woke up with a migraine today, and ended up laying on the couch.
My daughter, put a blanket over me, tucked in my feet, then crawled up in front of me, her head on my arm.
My son, crawled up at my feet, and rested his head on my hip.
We must of laid like that for about an hour.
I have a good home, and a hard working, loving husband.
I have - two beautiful, intelligent, loving children.
I have a job, that is tailored to my needs, perfectly.
Im still attractive enough to hold a mans unmitigated attention. Even a much younger man.
And I laid there, in pain, and laughed.
I have contemplated suicide, all my life. Always when things were terrible.
Today was the first time, ever, that I realized how stupid it would be, to die in failure and defeat, when if I died today, I would die happy, and content, and satisfied.
Lucky for the rest of you, suffering through this post, I want to see what comes around the corner I start to take tomorrow.
The road goes ever on.
for example -
If views of delusion and awakening are done away with and interpretations of turning toward and turning away are cut off, then this mind is as lucid and clear as the bright sun and this nature is vast and open as empty space; right where the person stands, he emits light and moves the earth, shining throughout the ten directions. Those who see this light fully realize the absolute truth that all things are unborn. When you arrive at such a time, naturally you are in tacit accord with this mind and this nature.
- Ta-huiIts the first line, thats really captured my attention, tonight. "views of delusion". All the presuppositions and expectations that we carry with us every day, really are - rather - hilarious. We fully expect the people we live with, the people we interact with, to treat us how we want to be treated, no matter what kind of day they may be having, or how we treat them. We dont attmept to be at peace, with anybody.
We live in delusion to protect ourselves, I suppose. The naked truth is far too ugly.
But shed them, and there is - a kind of a peace, in recognizing, that no one except the Infinite, really gives a *fuck* about your problems. And only the infinite can help you with them.
People like to think that they care. But its all just about thier own delusions, racking up the brownie points so youll listen to *them*. Saving face so they wont seem so desperate.
And then theres the people who dont even bother. They just pour out for hours, alllllll the things they feel entitled to burden others with. They never ask about the person they are sitting down with. They just - spill. And honestly, even right now, what Im doing, right here, is the *same*damn* thing.
Anybody who blogs, or twitters, or - posts thier "what are youd oing right now" is guilty of it.
We pour out all this - stuff.... wether people want to read it or not. And we *expect* people to read it
We get angry when they dont, when they dont seem to care about our lives, as much as they do.
LM Montgomery once wrote that in the most perfect state of friendship, two people - two women, even, could sit alone in absolute companionable silence, and have a wonderful time. Not because there was nothing to say, but because there was no *need* to say it.
*that* is - perfection, really.
that is my "sound between the silences"
the moment you reach together, and touch the profound reality of - the real.
the less I blog, the more at peace I am. I only write when Im upset, and feeling - yes, Ill use the word - when Im feeling "entitled" to pour out the frustration and anger that I have. Dumping it all around me like some kind of toxic waste.
I think thats the heart - of "entitlement" - the reality of it.
toxic waste.
I woke up with a migraine today, and ended up laying on the couch.
My daughter, put a blanket over me, tucked in my feet, then crawled up in front of me, her head on my arm.
My son, crawled up at my feet, and rested his head on my hip.
We must of laid like that for about an hour.
I have a good home, and a hard working, loving husband.
I have - two beautiful, intelligent, loving children.
I have a job, that is tailored to my needs, perfectly.
Im still attractive enough to hold a mans unmitigated attention. Even a much younger man.
And I laid there, in pain, and laughed.
I have contemplated suicide, all my life. Always when things were terrible.
Today was the first time, ever, that I realized how stupid it would be, to die in failure and defeat, when if I died today, I would die happy, and content, and satisfied.
Lucky for the rest of you, suffering through this post, I want to see what comes around the corner I start to take tomorrow.
The road goes ever on.
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