I find more - christian inspiration -

in Buddism, and Taoism, then a do in most Christian devotionals.
for example -

If views of delusion and awakening are done away with and interpretations of turning toward and turning away are cut off, then this mind is as lucid and clear as the bright sun and this nature is vast and open as empty space; right where the person stands, he emits light and moves the earth, shining throughout the ten directions. Those who see this light fully realize the absolute truth that all things are unborn. When you arrive at such a time, naturally you are in tacit accord with this mind and this nature.

- Ta-hui

Its the first line, thats really captured my attention, tonight. "views of delusion".  All the presuppositions and expectations that we carry with us every day, really are - rather - hilarious.  We fully expect the people we live with, the people we interact with, to treat us how we want to be treated, no matter what kind of day they may be having, or how we treat them.  We dont attmept to be at peace, with anybody.
We live in delusion to protect ourselves, I suppose.  The naked truth is far too ugly.
But shed them, and there is - a kind of a peace, in recognizing, that no one except the Infinite, really gives a *fuck* about your problems.  And only the infinite can help you with them.

People like to think that they care.  But its all just about thier own delusions, racking up the brownie points so youll listen to *them*.  Saving face so they wont seem so desperate.

And then theres the people who dont even bother.  They just pour out for hours, alllllll the things they feel entitled to burden others with.  They never ask about the person they are sitting down with.  They just - spill.  And honestly, even right now, what Im doing, right here, is the *same*damn* thing.

Anybody who blogs, or twitters, or - posts thier "what are youd oing right now" is guilty of it.

We pour out all this - stuff.... wether people want to read it or not.  And we *expect* people to read it
 We get angry when they dont, when they dont seem to care about our lives, as much as they do.

LM Montgomery once wrote that in the most perfect state of friendship, two people - two women, even, could sit alone in absolute companionable silence, and have a wonderful time.  Not because there was nothing to say, but because there was no *need* to say it.

*that* is - perfection, really.
that is my  "sound between the silences"
the moment you reach together, and touch the profound reality of - the real.
the less I blog, the more at peace I am.  I only write when Im upset, and feeling - yes, Ill use the word - when Im feeling "entitled" to pour out the frustration and anger that I have.   Dumping it all around me like some kind of toxic waste.

I think thats the heart - of "entitlement" - the reality of it.
toxic waste.

I woke up with a migraine today, and ended up laying on the couch.
My daughter, put a blanket over me, tucked in my feet, then crawled up in front of me, her head on my arm.
My son, crawled up at my feet, and rested his head on my hip.
We must of laid like that for about an hour.

I have a good home, and a hard working, loving husband.
I have - two beautiful, intelligent, loving children.
I have a job, that is tailored to my needs, perfectly.
Im still attractive enough to hold a mans unmitigated attention.  Even a much younger man.

And I laid there, in pain, and laughed.
I have contemplated suicide, all my life.  Always when things were terrible.
Today was the first time, ever, that I realized how stupid it would be, to die in failure and defeat, when if I died today, I would die happy, and content, and satisfied.

Lucky for the rest of you, suffering through this post, I want to see what comes around the corner I start to take tomorrow.
The road goes ever on.