Point 1 - How does one "lose" a rocket launcher?
Point 2 - Why does one *need* a rocket launcher, on Vancouver Island?
I mean... *honestly* people?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Not sure why -
but I woke up this morning, really wanting to get this story down. Im honestly not even sure which blog this belongs to, but, Im going to put it here.
**___Trigger warning - highly sensitive stuff, read at your own risk ___**
I - dont talk about this. I suppose because the wound just ran too deep. I have no problems telling people that my parents kicked me out. In reality, it was more a carefully structured move - I went from my parents house, to my sisters house. And while it *was* kicking me out - it was what I wanted, too. I wanted to leave. I hated it there.
What I dont talk about - is the day they left me.
Maybe Im just finally - capable - of dealing with it.
I was getting ready for school. Doing my make up, Im pretty sure. And I was so - thrown - when the phone began to ring. This was like - 7:30 AM, so - not really a time when anybody calls. I remember thinking it might be my best friend, calling, so I answered it cheerfully enough.
When I heard my Dads voice on the other side, I remember the WTF moment. then realizing I had to focus, he had *never* called me. I had been away from home for more then a year. (wondering now, suddenly, if me getting arrested for shoplifting was fall out from this event - but I cant remember if it was that winter when it happened, or the winter before - just - not good with time)
But the point is, that Dad never called me. Dad never even talked to me. He hadnt even known I was leaving home, untill it happened - and mom had told him it was all on me and Jan - which wasnt true at all. Of course, we wouldnt find that out for years - but, I think it says something for him - how much he really did love my sister and I - that he *had* to call and tell us, in his own clumsy way.
I remember the conversation, as breif as it was, very clearly. I think, he didnt want mom to catch him on the phone. He said they were leaving for the Island that morning, and I asked when they would be back.
When he said they wouldnt be, that they had bought a house, Im pretty sure I started shutting down. I remember just saying "Oh, ok, well - thanks for telling me"
Im not sure if he asked if I wanted to come or not. Maybe its just something my mind has - desperately imagined - in fact, its probably that. But my next very clear memory is standing, and getting on the bus. In retrospect, I should have just stayed home, but - It was easier to go through the motions, and Jan wasnt awake yet, and terrible to wake up, and I knew my friends, would be up, and functioning. SO I got on the bus.
I remember thinking that if I acted hysterical, I would get attention. I needed it. Im not sure if its really manipulation though. In situations like that, Im not sure there is a valid, or non-valid response. But I do remember my bus driver, who I had known for a few years by then, offering to go off his route, and drive me to the hospital - again, at this point, possibly something I should have said yes too, but didnt.
Not even when I saw thier motorhome, pass us on its way out of town.
I remember walking to my friends house, trying to figure out what I should do when I got there, how I should act that would maximize reaction. Again, valid manipulation, I think. What I really needed was someone just to stop me, and hug me, and tell me everything was going to be ok, and that I was loved. The same things I need today, and have always needed, and never really received untill - well - my husband.
After that, its kindof a blur untill I got to the mall. I know Clover was with me, Im not sure if the "Other" was there. I remember looking at the walls. I remeber, trying to deal, or maybe just trying to ignore it.
I ran into Jan in the grocery store. Im not sure *why* I was in the grocery store, but, I remember her starting to ream me out for not being in school, and me trying to tell her what happened. Historically, she punched the wall of the store in response. I *think* she damaged it, not sure. These were her parents too - and she had lived with them a lot longer then I had.
I realize now, that her world took a tumble that day too. That she couldnt comfort me - it was just too far beyond her as well. In retrospect - it probably was bad parenting - but its not like anybody could blame her. She had just been abandoned as much as I had been. Maybe even more. Not telling a mentally unstable teenager your plans might not be the best idea - but not telling your adult daughter whos looking after *two* unstable teenagers is - a mad slap in the face.
Now, I dont even remember what came after that. If I went home with her, or if I went back to Clovers. I dont remember telling my best friend, although I know I did.
More importantly, to this day, I dont remember a single adult responding to me the way I wanted them too. I think probably, they were all a little too shocked, to really comprehend what had happened. I mean, really - what responsible adult buys a house 800 miles away, and moves, *without* telling thier family - thier own kids? Its a device used in soap operas and horror stories. I mean, "True Blood" used it as a plot device for thier freaking shapeshifter. Thats how entirely unplausable such a thing was.
Looking back, most of them probably thought I was just lying again. I did it so often it was an understandable response. And then of course, in finding out that it was the truth, they were probably far too humiliated, and horror struck, to do anything else. And I *really* doubt that apologizing to me ever entered thier minds.
Now - I dont remember much after that - Im shitty at putting together time lines at the best of times - but probably the trauma of the event just - blocks out - everything. Something like this can knock a person right off thier axis for years, never mind months. And if I had abandonment issues *before* that happened - which I did, it easily compounded them.
This wasnt getting kicked out because of bad behavior, this wasnt someone dying, or leaving because they had no choice. This was a premeditated, cold hearted, brutal act of a woman who wasnt mentally stable herself. Not that it *excuses* her behavior - Even the most insane of people, can probably understand that what was done was - sick. But - it is the only way *I* can rationalize what was done.
To this day, I still live with the feelings of "every body leaves me, no body loves me, and I am not worth the time" And even though its untrue, this one incident is scored so deeply in my heart, Im not sure I will ever recover from it. I *think* I was seventeen when they left. But I may have been 16. This means it was 20 years ago.
this is the first time Ive ever actually taken the event out, and functionally *looked* at it.
20 years, of hiding it, a deep ugly cancer eating away at my heart. Possibly one of the nastiest scars I have. Its *still* just barely real to me. And yet, it defines a great deal of my pathos.
Its not - something you can really "deal" with either, I dont think. Theres no way to put a positive spin on it. Theres no comfort, theres no "good thing". There isnt even a single individual that I can point to, who helped me at this time. Not directly. From the beginning, it was a dark, ugly thing that got hidden away - not dealt with, not talked about. THey were gone, now deal with it.
Now, Im ready to.
My parents are long dead. I cant talk to them about it.
Im not sure Clover remembers the event.
My sister, really, is the only person I have to talk to about it - and hopefully, over Christmas, we can hash this out. If she can. Because Im not going to push, if shes not ready to deal with it. Not fair to her.
So theres the ugly.
any ideas on what to do with it?
**___Trigger warning - highly sensitive stuff, read at your own risk ___**
I - dont talk about this. I suppose because the wound just ran too deep. I have no problems telling people that my parents kicked me out. In reality, it was more a carefully structured move - I went from my parents house, to my sisters house. And while it *was* kicking me out - it was what I wanted, too. I wanted to leave. I hated it there.
What I dont talk about - is the day they left me.
Maybe Im just finally - capable - of dealing with it.
I was getting ready for school. Doing my make up, Im pretty sure. And I was so - thrown - when the phone began to ring. This was like - 7:30 AM, so - not really a time when anybody calls. I remember thinking it might be my best friend, calling, so I answered it cheerfully enough.
When I heard my Dads voice on the other side, I remember the WTF moment. then realizing I had to focus, he had *never* called me. I had been away from home for more then a year. (wondering now, suddenly, if me getting arrested for shoplifting was fall out from this event - but I cant remember if it was that winter when it happened, or the winter before - just - not good with time)
But the point is, that Dad never called me. Dad never even talked to me. He hadnt even known I was leaving home, untill it happened - and mom had told him it was all on me and Jan - which wasnt true at all. Of course, we wouldnt find that out for years - but, I think it says something for him - how much he really did love my sister and I - that he *had* to call and tell us, in his own clumsy way.
I remember the conversation, as breif as it was, very clearly. I think, he didnt want mom to catch him on the phone. He said they were leaving for the Island that morning, and I asked when they would be back.
When he said they wouldnt be, that they had bought a house, Im pretty sure I started shutting down. I remember just saying "Oh, ok, well - thanks for telling me"
Im not sure if he asked if I wanted to come or not. Maybe its just something my mind has - desperately imagined - in fact, its probably that. But my next very clear memory is standing, and getting on the bus. In retrospect, I should have just stayed home, but - It was easier to go through the motions, and Jan wasnt awake yet, and terrible to wake up, and I knew my friends, would be up, and functioning. SO I got on the bus.
I remember thinking that if I acted hysterical, I would get attention. I needed it. Im not sure if its really manipulation though. In situations like that, Im not sure there is a valid, or non-valid response. But I do remember my bus driver, who I had known for a few years by then, offering to go off his route, and drive me to the hospital - again, at this point, possibly something I should have said yes too, but didnt.
Not even when I saw thier motorhome, pass us on its way out of town.
I remember walking to my friends house, trying to figure out what I should do when I got there, how I should act that would maximize reaction. Again, valid manipulation, I think. What I really needed was someone just to stop me, and hug me, and tell me everything was going to be ok, and that I was loved. The same things I need today, and have always needed, and never really received untill - well - my husband.
After that, its kindof a blur untill I got to the mall. I know Clover was with me, Im not sure if the "Other" was there. I remember looking at the walls. I remeber, trying to deal, or maybe just trying to ignore it.
I ran into Jan in the grocery store. Im not sure *why* I was in the grocery store, but, I remember her starting to ream me out for not being in school, and me trying to tell her what happened. Historically, she punched the wall of the store in response. I *think* she damaged it, not sure. These were her parents too - and she had lived with them a lot longer then I had.
I realize now, that her world took a tumble that day too. That she couldnt comfort me - it was just too far beyond her as well. In retrospect - it probably was bad parenting - but its not like anybody could blame her. She had just been abandoned as much as I had been. Maybe even more. Not telling a mentally unstable teenager your plans might not be the best idea - but not telling your adult daughter whos looking after *two* unstable teenagers is - a mad slap in the face.
Now, I dont even remember what came after that. If I went home with her, or if I went back to Clovers. I dont remember telling my best friend, although I know I did.
More importantly, to this day, I dont remember a single adult responding to me the way I wanted them too. I think probably, they were all a little too shocked, to really comprehend what had happened. I mean, really - what responsible adult buys a house 800 miles away, and moves, *without* telling thier family - thier own kids? Its a device used in soap operas and horror stories. I mean, "True Blood" used it as a plot device for thier freaking shapeshifter. Thats how entirely unplausable such a thing was.
Looking back, most of them probably thought I was just lying again. I did it so often it was an understandable response. And then of course, in finding out that it was the truth, they were probably far too humiliated, and horror struck, to do anything else. And I *really* doubt that apologizing to me ever entered thier minds.
Now - I dont remember much after that - Im shitty at putting together time lines at the best of times - but probably the trauma of the event just - blocks out - everything. Something like this can knock a person right off thier axis for years, never mind months. And if I had abandonment issues *before* that happened - which I did, it easily compounded them.
This wasnt getting kicked out because of bad behavior, this wasnt someone dying, or leaving because they had no choice. This was a premeditated, cold hearted, brutal act of a woman who wasnt mentally stable herself. Not that it *excuses* her behavior - Even the most insane of people, can probably understand that what was done was - sick. But - it is the only way *I* can rationalize what was done.
To this day, I still live with the feelings of "every body leaves me, no body loves me, and I am not worth the time" And even though its untrue, this one incident is scored so deeply in my heart, Im not sure I will ever recover from it. I *think* I was seventeen when they left. But I may have been 16. This means it was 20 years ago.
this is the first time Ive ever actually taken the event out, and functionally *looked* at it.
20 years, of hiding it, a deep ugly cancer eating away at my heart. Possibly one of the nastiest scars I have. Its *still* just barely real to me. And yet, it defines a great deal of my pathos.
Its not - something you can really "deal" with either, I dont think. Theres no way to put a positive spin on it. Theres no comfort, theres no "good thing". There isnt even a single individual that I can point to, who helped me at this time. Not directly. From the beginning, it was a dark, ugly thing that got hidden away - not dealt with, not talked about. THey were gone, now deal with it.
Now, Im ready to.
My parents are long dead. I cant talk to them about it.
Im not sure Clover remembers the event.
My sister, really, is the only person I have to talk to about it - and hopefully, over Christmas, we can hash this out. If she can. Because Im not going to push, if shes not ready to deal with it. Not fair to her.
So theres the ugly.
any ideas on what to do with it?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
fanfiction junk.
I dont often write - fanfiction - anymore, but, Ive a plot bunny that wont go away, and I dont feel like posting it anywhere else, at least not in this rough form.
So - enter into the dreded realm of mind, if you want...
otherwise, just ignore it. Its not so much a story, as story planning, anyways...
Ok - so, thinking of the Boston Strangler case, as a backstory/leapboard.
Women start getting dead again, and of course, the MacManus brothers would be all over it, trying to find the killers - but a few states away, Sam Winchester would be convincing his brother to go and look into it too, particularly citing the facts that no one was ever sure that DeSalvo was the killer, or not, that maybe this was some kind of paranormal thing from the start...
So Sam and Dean Winchester invade small city Boston.
Knowing Deans love of good alcohol, and a good bar brawl to boot, I can see them ending up at an Irish pub, particularly if its around St. Paddys - which may or may not be too much of a contrivance. But Certainly, this wouldnt be Doc's bar, because Id place him firmly underground at this point. As much as I *adore* the character of Doc... perhaps bring in his son? Or even a daughter... Im not sure if Tourettes is genetic, but - yes, research would be needed.
Maybe Dean tries to play the MacManus brothers for fools at the pool table, and gets his ass well beaten for it, - no, I think Id want Dean to win, and win *well*. Leaving Murphy and Conner broke. Because that could run a gag all through the story.
Anyways, later on, I think Id have Sam and Dean stalking around the last murder scene, looking for the usual EMP readings, sulfer, and what-not, and things get really creepy, and then, enter the MacManus'.
I just, cant get the idea of a confrontation between them going down a little like -
"Wait, are you guys Hunters?"
"Well, kind of..."
Are you guys Preists"
"I suppose, in a way...."
yeah
it would be so funny.
Of course, the back story Ive worked out with my darling co-writer could come in here, and finally See the brothers as children, and teens, growing up in Ireland, fighting with the IRA, becoming priests... being forced to leave Ireland for their own safety. Id love to see Ma Macmanus give them those matching rosaries at their ordination. Also love for those rosaries to turn out made of some special wood, or hae some special meaning to the WInchester brothers.
So, the four of them talk it out, and Sam and Dean can crash at the MacManus pad, which can bring about all kinds of halarity... and slash, if necessary.
*or*
We can do the faithful need for roadtrip/hotel stay for some kind of background information. This would give us a few opportunities
1) I would absolutely die to see Colin and Murphy, in the back of the Metallicar, doing their constant squabble/fighting in enclosed spaces bit.
2) I would definitely want Dean and Sam to do their "two queen" bit, while Conner and Murphy snicker in the back, and then *them* going p and doing "Two singles" Largely because I have Dean in the back of my mind looking at his brother going "Do you really think *that* can fit on a single?"
Lets face it, with the MacManus brothers only being 5'10 - the ever present sasquatch jokes would be rampant.
Ive been debating, on who should play the "cop" role, and all I can think of, is giving Bobby one of those classic "This is how it went down" scenarios. Complete with line "I dont know wether God was being stupid, or just plum brave, to make two sets of you idgits" But yes, Bobby, in slow mo - imitating some kind of paranormal effect, is too much awesome to not have.
Of course, it could be Cas, too... In that deadpan fashion of his, but - it doesnt quite speak to me as much.
Cas, I think, would be kept till the end, as the deux ex machina, if necessary, coming along with Smecker.
I havent really figured out yet, how to kill off, whatever it is thats doing the murders, except that I know that Sammy will discover that the way involves Rope. At which point, Muphy *must* roll his eyes, and Conner *must* point, smirking. Nothing else ever really needs to be said, there.
Any other classic Boondock Saints moments that can be inserted - I know that when the boys open up thier trunk, we'll get the "the only love Ill ever need" moment....
The cat is easy...it *is* spn, after all.
SOmewhere, possibly in the bar, there needs to be a photo, hanging on the wall - of Pa Macmanus, and Daddy Winchester together, wasted, and smiling, arms around each others shoulders - drinking buddies. Because lets face it - the MacManus' hunt down baddies, and you cant tell me that no one ever sent him after John... it just - makes sense.
Rocco is a bit tougher, but again, its SPN - so talking from beyond the grave, isnt that difficult. And yes, Id pay my last nickle to see Pa Winchester, Rocco, and Daddy MacManus, all sitting at a bar together. Three black peacoats... all in a row
Clever vocabulary jokes abound the moment you put Romeo in a room with Bobby. Or even better - put *him* with Cas. I mean, Im sorry, but just those two *looking* at each other would be rolling on the floor funny.
Im not sure Ill ever actually *write* this one out - but, the ideas are definitely there. Im also not sure if it would be that funny out of the context of being an BDS/SPN crossover... not something I could fiddle with untill I no longer broke tradmark, in other words, which is too bad, because I think the story in and of itself, has merit... At least as some kind of horror/thriller. But Im pretty sure if I was just going to write the story, for myself - Id have to take - maybe ... maybe two female leads...one supernaturally bent, one with their head firmly set in reality. And have them wonder into the mystery of the Boston Strangler... Which would be an awesome story in and of itself, yes...
But I just *really* **really** just once, want to see Norman Reedus, look up at Jared Padelecki, and ask him to shove some more lucky charms up his ass, before he kicks him down to size, sip his whiskey, set his cigarette aside, and then just tackle the poor boy.
So - enter into the dreded realm of mind, if you want...
otherwise, just ignore it. Its not so much a story, as story planning, anyways...
Ok - so, thinking of the Boston Strangler case, as a backstory/leapboard.
Women start getting dead again, and of course, the MacManus brothers would be all over it, trying to find the killers - but a few states away, Sam Winchester would be convincing his brother to go and look into it too, particularly citing the facts that no one was ever sure that DeSalvo was the killer, or not, that maybe this was some kind of paranormal thing from the start...
So Sam and Dean Winchester invade small city Boston.
Knowing Deans love of good alcohol, and a good bar brawl to boot, I can see them ending up at an Irish pub, particularly if its around St. Paddys - which may or may not be too much of a contrivance. But Certainly, this wouldnt be Doc's bar, because Id place him firmly underground at this point. As much as I *adore* the character of Doc... perhaps bring in his son? Or even a daughter... Im not sure if Tourettes is genetic, but - yes, research would be needed.
Maybe Dean tries to play the MacManus brothers for fools at the pool table, and gets his ass well beaten for it, - no, I think Id want Dean to win, and win *well*. Leaving Murphy and Conner broke. Because that could run a gag all through the story.
Anyways, later on, I think Id have Sam and Dean stalking around the last murder scene, looking for the usual EMP readings, sulfer, and what-not, and things get really creepy, and then, enter the MacManus'.
I just, cant get the idea of a confrontation between them going down a little like -
"Wait, are you guys Hunters?"
"Well, kind of..."
Are you guys Preists"
"I suppose, in a way...."
yeah
it would be so funny.
Of course, the back story Ive worked out with my darling co-writer could come in here, and finally See the brothers as children, and teens, growing up in Ireland, fighting with the IRA, becoming priests... being forced to leave Ireland for their own safety. Id love to see Ma Macmanus give them those matching rosaries at their ordination. Also love for those rosaries to turn out made of some special wood, or hae some special meaning to the WInchester brothers.
So, the four of them talk it out, and Sam and Dean can crash at the MacManus pad, which can bring about all kinds of halarity... and slash, if necessary.
*or*
We can do the faithful need for roadtrip/hotel stay for some kind of background information. This would give us a few opportunities
1) I would absolutely die to see Colin and Murphy, in the back of the Metallicar, doing their constant squabble/fighting in enclosed spaces bit.
2) I would definitely want Dean and Sam to do their "two queen" bit, while Conner and Murphy snicker in the back, and then *them* going p and doing "Two singles" Largely because I have Dean in the back of my mind looking at his brother going "Do you really think *that* can fit on a single?"
Lets face it, with the MacManus brothers only being 5'10 - the ever present sasquatch jokes would be rampant.
Ive been debating, on who should play the "cop" role, and all I can think of, is giving Bobby one of those classic "This is how it went down" scenarios. Complete with line "I dont know wether God was being stupid, or just plum brave, to make two sets of you idgits" But yes, Bobby, in slow mo - imitating some kind of paranormal effect, is too much awesome to not have.
Of course, it could be Cas, too... In that deadpan fashion of his, but - it doesnt quite speak to me as much.
Cas, I think, would be kept till the end, as the deux ex machina, if necessary, coming along with Smecker.
I havent really figured out yet, how to kill off, whatever it is thats doing the murders, except that I know that Sammy will discover that the way involves Rope. At which point, Muphy *must* roll his eyes, and Conner *must* point, smirking. Nothing else ever really needs to be said, there.
Any other classic Boondock Saints moments that can be inserted - I know that when the boys open up thier trunk, we'll get the "the only love Ill ever need" moment....
The cat is easy...it *is* spn, after all.
SOmewhere, possibly in the bar, there needs to be a photo, hanging on the wall - of Pa Macmanus, and Daddy Winchester together, wasted, and smiling, arms around each others shoulders - drinking buddies. Because lets face it - the MacManus' hunt down baddies, and you cant tell me that no one ever sent him after John... it just - makes sense.
Rocco is a bit tougher, but again, its SPN - so talking from beyond the grave, isnt that difficult. And yes, Id pay my last nickle to see Pa Winchester, Rocco, and Daddy MacManus, all sitting at a bar together. Three black peacoats... all in a row
Clever vocabulary jokes abound the moment you put Romeo in a room with Bobby. Or even better - put *him* with Cas. I mean, Im sorry, but just those two *looking* at each other would be rolling on the floor funny.
Im not sure Ill ever actually *write* this one out - but, the ideas are definitely there. Im also not sure if it would be that funny out of the context of being an BDS/SPN crossover... not something I could fiddle with untill I no longer broke tradmark, in other words, which is too bad, because I think the story in and of itself, has merit... At least as some kind of horror/thriller. But Im pretty sure if I was just going to write the story, for myself - Id have to take - maybe ... maybe two female leads...one supernaturally bent, one with their head firmly set in reality. And have them wonder into the mystery of the Boston Strangler... Which would be an awesome story in and of itself, yes...
But I just *really* **really** just once, want to see Norman Reedus, look up at Jared Padelecki, and ask him to shove some more lucky charms up his ass, before he kicks him down to size, sip his whiskey, set his cigarette aside, and then just tackle the poor boy.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
blahblahrant - part 3
*sighs*
of course, you *would* want to talk about baptism.
Well, lets start with the basic idea. Yes - its a *good* idea. Stupid - perhaps, but good.
Why good? Because its the *ultimate* in public confession. its you *literally* saying "Im starting over again... and this time, with *Him*" And not just in the literal sense, but in the spiritual, and mental sense too. And trust me, those things *count*.
Hey - have you read Proverbs 16 yet?
uhhuh, thats what I thought...
anyways, Baptism. Jesus did it - and if you want to be like Him... Its probably a good step. If you need "more" biblical necessity then that, go buy a book. Theres hundreds of them. Most of them shit, but - feel free to take a look.
First of all, you're going to need to decide if you want to be sprinkled, or dunked. No - I dont really think it matters to God which. Seriously, I dont. Some people are afraid of water... yes, I think God would be cool with them being sprinkled. Some people prefer the ritual involved. Some people like the spectacle of being dunked. Some people want the full emergence and sense of rebirth. SOme people want to do *exactly* what Jesus did.
You know what I think? I think God sees your heart. I think He knows what your intent is in doing it. me? Ive been baptized 3 times. Yes, 3. Once as a baby, which I think is bunk - but on the other hand, - if you *really* believe in predestination, then that may be why Im a Christian today. Second time, as a teen, I was sprinkled. It definitely set me on the path to where I am. It was my initial "yeah, Im going to give this life change thing a real shot". The third time, I was dunked in a river by a man named John. SO yes, fresh flowing water, the whole bit. And yes - that was - a neat experience. But the point is, that each one of those experiences was unique to me. And *if* you choose this, it will be unique to *you*.
Because, like everything, I believe in the end, its just between you and God.
SO once youve figured out "dunked vs Sprinkled" then you need to find the appropriate minister to - well, administer it. The easiest way to do this, is to find a church.
Note, I didnt say "join" a church. I said *find* one.
If the pastor wont baptize you, without joining the church, smile and wave, and walk away. You may want to point out on your way out the door, that Paul made quite a big deal about the fact that it *doesnt*matter* who baptizes you in his letters.
If you cant find a church, then look for any christian you know, willing to do the deed. thats right - *any* of them, or us, can do it. No, you dont need a degree. Grab a bottle of water, hand it to them, and ask politely. If they refuse, remind them that as far as God is concerned, we are *all* ministers... every single one of us.
Me?
Yeah, sure, I can do it, and would. In a heartbeat. I cant give you the pretty little certificate from it, but Im not sure God cares too much about that, either, and as Ive said, its the act - between you and *Him* that matters, nothing else.
Payment? Oh that would be nice...*very* nice.
Do I *ask* for it? Hell no. Not *ever*.
In my opinion, any pastor who *asks* for payment, doesnt deserve it.
You dont do these things, for the money.
On the other hand, a man who works, deserves a wage. So if a minister is willing, and doesnt bring up money, offer him some. How much? Thats between you and God. I know how much *I* would pay... but then, I most likely *dont* need to be baptized - again. *laughs*.
But yeah, I think Baptism is important for those who want, and can. Its another step on the path, another - benchmark, if you will. A mile marker on the road. And if you get this far, then stop and enjoy it. Because it wont be long, before the path gets muddy, and shit on, and sometimes washes out from under your feet. But at that moment.. You *are* on solid rock. Enjoy.
(please note, this isnt a decision to be rushed into. this is something you want to consider - for a long time. THis is a *real* statement, a declaration of life intent... and if you believe in such things as spirits, or heaven, and hell - then understand, that those beings, take this decision *far* more seriously then we do. Or even understand how to. - and yes, I very much beleive in those places, and those beings, so - I too - take this as a remarkable decision. And for those who take the step, I am always amazingly proud of. - poor idiotic fools as we all are)
of course, you *would* want to talk about baptism.
Well, lets start with the basic idea. Yes - its a *good* idea. Stupid - perhaps, but good.
Why good? Because its the *ultimate* in public confession. its you *literally* saying "Im starting over again... and this time, with *Him*" And not just in the literal sense, but in the spiritual, and mental sense too. And trust me, those things *count*.
Hey - have you read Proverbs 16 yet?
uhhuh, thats what I thought...
anyways, Baptism. Jesus did it - and if you want to be like Him... Its probably a good step. If you need "more" biblical necessity then that, go buy a book. Theres hundreds of them. Most of them shit, but - feel free to take a look.
First of all, you're going to need to decide if you want to be sprinkled, or dunked. No - I dont really think it matters to God which. Seriously, I dont. Some people are afraid of water... yes, I think God would be cool with them being sprinkled. Some people prefer the ritual involved. Some people like the spectacle of being dunked. Some people want the full emergence and sense of rebirth. SOme people want to do *exactly* what Jesus did.
You know what I think? I think God sees your heart. I think He knows what your intent is in doing it. me? Ive been baptized 3 times. Yes, 3. Once as a baby, which I think is bunk - but on the other hand, - if you *really* believe in predestination, then that may be why Im a Christian today. Second time, as a teen, I was sprinkled. It definitely set me on the path to where I am. It was my initial "yeah, Im going to give this life change thing a real shot". The third time, I was dunked in a river by a man named John. SO yes, fresh flowing water, the whole bit. And yes - that was - a neat experience. But the point is, that each one of those experiences was unique to me. And *if* you choose this, it will be unique to *you*.
Because, like everything, I believe in the end, its just between you and God.
SO once youve figured out "dunked vs Sprinkled" then you need to find the appropriate minister to - well, administer it. The easiest way to do this, is to find a church.
Note, I didnt say "join" a church. I said *find* one.
If the pastor wont baptize you, without joining the church, smile and wave, and walk away. You may want to point out on your way out the door, that Paul made quite a big deal about the fact that it *doesnt*matter* who baptizes you in his letters.
If you cant find a church, then look for any christian you know, willing to do the deed. thats right - *any* of them, or us, can do it. No, you dont need a degree. Grab a bottle of water, hand it to them, and ask politely. If they refuse, remind them that as far as God is concerned, we are *all* ministers... every single one of us.
Me?
Yeah, sure, I can do it, and would. In a heartbeat. I cant give you the pretty little certificate from it, but Im not sure God cares too much about that, either, and as Ive said, its the act - between you and *Him* that matters, nothing else.
Payment? Oh that would be nice...*very* nice.
Do I *ask* for it? Hell no. Not *ever*.
In my opinion, any pastor who *asks* for payment, doesnt deserve it.
You dont do these things, for the money.
On the other hand, a man who works, deserves a wage. So if a minister is willing, and doesnt bring up money, offer him some. How much? Thats between you and God. I know how much *I* would pay... but then, I most likely *dont* need to be baptized - again. *laughs*.
But yeah, I think Baptism is important for those who want, and can. Its another step on the path, another - benchmark, if you will. A mile marker on the road. And if you get this far, then stop and enjoy it. Because it wont be long, before the path gets muddy, and shit on, and sometimes washes out from under your feet. But at that moment.. You *are* on solid rock. Enjoy.
(please note, this isnt a decision to be rushed into. this is something you want to consider - for a long time. THis is a *real* statement, a declaration of life intent... and if you believe in such things as spirits, or heaven, and hell - then understand, that those beings, take this decision *far* more seriously then we do. Or even understand how to. - and yes, I very much beleive in those places, and those beings, so - I too - take this as a remarkable decision. And for those who take the step, I am always amazingly proud of. - poor idiotic fools as we all are)
Friday, October 15, 2010
blahblahrant - part 2
oh - hey there - you're back
and wondering what you do now?
Well - theres the usual options - you could join a church - but I dont recommend it. At least not yet.
You could go around annoying your neighbors, and family...
You could even give away all your possessions to the poor - ok, no,not that - not even homeless shelters will take *those*...just - hold on to it, for now...
ok, where were we?
oh yes
Public Confession of Faith.
Yes, Im sorry, you have to - eventually.
Well - no, you dont. You can go along nice and quiet the rest of your life, and then when you get to Heaven, Gods going to look at you and go "oh, sorry - do I know you? Yes, yes - I saw you a few times... I think? Hard to remember - you always said you didnt know me...."
Yeah
really, it only needs to be one person you know, if you are shy about it. I get it - even God understands it. Thats probably why he had so many people write about it, - old and new testament... Its important. God has this thing about accountability. Bizarre, I know, but he likes a bit of integrity in His people. Its that first step of becoming, well - more like Him. Or more like yourself - depending on how you look at it.
You're looking at me weird again, but just ignore that last comment - if you dont get it, you will - later.
SO find someone you trust, and yak. These days, I dont think it matters if its in person, or online - as long as its someone who *counts*. And you know what I mean by that... you cant just wonder into a random chat room full of idiots youve never spoken to and announce you are a Christian.
If you can get past *that* step - then yes, Hell is going to take a little more interest. But so is God.
you poor, poor stupid, fool.
No, Im *not* mocking you.
Im commiserating.
Because there are stupider choices to come... trust me, Ive made most of them.
and wondering what you do now?
Well - theres the usual options - you could join a church - but I dont recommend it. At least not yet.
You could go around annoying your neighbors, and family...
You could even give away all your possessions to the poor - ok, no,not that - not even homeless shelters will take *those*...just - hold on to it, for now...
ok, where were we?
oh yes
Public Confession of Faith.
Yes, Im sorry, you have to - eventually.
Well - no, you dont. You can go along nice and quiet the rest of your life, and then when you get to Heaven, Gods going to look at you and go "oh, sorry - do I know you? Yes, yes - I saw you a few times... I think? Hard to remember - you always said you didnt know me...."
Yeah
really, it only needs to be one person you know, if you are shy about it. I get it - even God understands it. Thats probably why he had so many people write about it, - old and new testament... Its important. God has this thing about accountability. Bizarre, I know, but he likes a bit of integrity in His people. Its that first step of becoming, well - more like Him. Or more like yourself - depending on how you look at it.
You're looking at me weird again, but just ignore that last comment - if you dont get it, you will - later.
SO find someone you trust, and yak. These days, I dont think it matters if its in person, or online - as long as its someone who *counts*. And you know what I mean by that... you cant just wonder into a random chat room full of idiots youve never spoken to and announce you are a Christian.
If you can get past *that* step - then yes, Hell is going to take a little more interest. But so is God.
you poor, poor stupid, fool.
No, Im *not* mocking you.
Im commiserating.
Because there are stupider choices to come... trust me, Ive made most of them.
blahblahrant
So - youve decided to become an idiot - I mean Christian...
My I express my sincere condolences.
First of all - yes, the world hates Christians. With damn good reason. We have raped, murdered and pillaged our way through history.
Oh! you dont mean that kind of Christian...
you mean the *real* kind.. the ones that those guys hate?
Oh well then, that changes *everything*
In that case, you arent an idiot at all - you're a damn fool.
You have my sincere condolences.
Welcome to the club.
So - youve accepted Christ into your heart as your personal Lord and Savior.. *clears throat*
(Dont ask)
You have a bible?
No - then get one.
Yes? then great - keep it close, youll be needing that.
Oh yeah, I do actually expect you to read it, not just to put it on your coffee table as a conversation piece to gather dust. You can use your Special Edition World of Warcraft art books for that.
Whats that? You dont "get" it? You cant remember anything you read?
Let me insert here the needless platitude about all the things in a day that go through us, that we dont "feel" helping us... Or the current one floating around the web - the guy with the coal basket...water goes through, but cleans the basket - yeahyeah... you get it now?
Still think its stupid?
Tough shit, read it anyways.
No - you dont start at the beginning, dumb ass. Its not a book book, its - a compendium of books. Start at John. Yes, at John. Or if you "dont have much time" *insert eye roll here* then start at Proverbs. There are 31 Proverbs. There are usually?always? less then 32 days a month. Read one a day.
Yes, for the rest of your life.
Yes, Im serious.
If you ask me if it gets boring Im going to smack you, just a warning.
Oh - why did I offer my condolences?
Well - first off - you;re a Christian - and people rightfully hate Christians. and you may not be "one of those" but untill we come up wi th a name that seperates us from those - definitively - we're stuck with it.
Secondly - You now have the attention of hell. No, Im not sure if its one demon, or many, or even Satan himself.
Uh, yes, I beleive all of that. No, I dont think Im any more or less crazy then you yourself are.
Oh, dont worry, you may have thier attention, but its still light on the influence right now.
They're waiting to see what you *do* with this decision.
What do I mean by that?
Ohh Im sorry, were out of tiem for today, maybe we can start back up again tomorrow...
In conclusion - Im sorry, read... *looks at cell phone* Proverbs 15...yeah
have a great day!
My I express my sincere condolences.
First of all - yes, the world hates Christians. With damn good reason. We have raped, murdered and pillaged our way through history.
Oh! you dont mean that kind of Christian...
you mean the *real* kind.. the ones that those guys hate?
Oh well then, that changes *everything*
In that case, you arent an idiot at all - you're a damn fool.
You have my sincere condolences.
Welcome to the club.
So - youve accepted Christ into your heart as your personal Lord and Savior.. *clears throat*
(Dont ask)
You have a bible?
No - then get one.
Yes? then great - keep it close, youll be needing that.
Oh yeah, I do actually expect you to read it, not just to put it on your coffee table as a conversation piece to gather dust. You can use your Special Edition World of Warcraft art books for that.
Whats that? You dont "get" it? You cant remember anything you read?
Let me insert here the needless platitude about all the things in a day that go through us, that we dont "feel" helping us... Or the current one floating around the web - the guy with the coal basket...water goes through, but cleans the basket - yeahyeah... you get it now?
Still think its stupid?
Tough shit, read it anyways.
No - you dont start at the beginning, dumb ass. Its not a book book, its - a compendium of books. Start at John. Yes, at John. Or if you "dont have much time" *insert eye roll here* then start at Proverbs. There are 31 Proverbs. There are usually?always? less then 32 days a month. Read one a day.
Yes, for the rest of your life.
Yes, Im serious.
If you ask me if it gets boring Im going to smack you, just a warning.
Oh - why did I offer my condolences?
Well - first off - you;re a Christian - and people rightfully hate Christians. and you may not be "one of those" but untill we come up wi th a name that seperates us from those - definitively - we're stuck with it.
Secondly - You now have the attention of hell. No, Im not sure if its one demon, or many, or even Satan himself.
Uh, yes, I beleive all of that. No, I dont think Im any more or less crazy then you yourself are.
Oh, dont worry, you may have thier attention, but its still light on the influence right now.
They're waiting to see what you *do* with this decision.
What do I mean by that?
Ohh Im sorry, were out of tiem for today, maybe we can start back up again tomorrow...
In conclusion - Im sorry, read... *looks at cell phone* Proverbs 15...yeah
have a great day!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Apryl - Im, um - stealing your idea.
So - I hit 200 - and I need - motivation.
So, Im stealing my little sisters idea.
If I can drop to 180 - Im getting my upper ear pierced
160 gets me my nose ring.
150, gets me my first tattoo
and anything under that, well - we will see.
*bouncebounce* if that isnt motivaion, Im not sure what *is*
So, Im stealing my little sisters idea.
If I can drop to 180 - Im getting my upper ear pierced
160 gets me my nose ring.
150, gets me my first tattoo
and anything under that, well - we will see.
*bouncebounce* if that isnt motivaion, Im not sure what *is*
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Depression...
Trying to figure it out - and the only way I can describe it, is that Im floating in a tub. Someone has pulled the plug, and the water is slowly draining out...along with it, is my breath, my energy, my joy, my - chi.
At the same time, people keep throwing heavy blankets - duvets, over the top of the tub, slowly suffocating me - the weight - the darkness... pressure.
I cant fight, I can only, drown in the darkness, quiet, alone.
And the shit of it all, is that in reality, my life has never been better.
Our finances are stabling out. My daughter is in school and doing well. I get lots of me time. I have a "job" that rarely ever needs me, and pays me well when it does. Clayton and I are doing, better then ever... It seems I am once again rejoining society with a few friends. World of Warcraft is getting an amazing new expansion soon, my embroidery, while currently ignored - is doing better then ever.
But I barely have the energy to do housework. Honestly? Im not even sure, day to day, that I have the energy to get out of bed, and get the kids up. Everything seems - utterly futile. And for the first time in my life - I dont even want to eat. Even my most faverate treats are just - uninteresting. Almost unedible. The only thing I have any enjoyment from is apple juice. No clue why.
I just - want to sleep. I really enjoy that, right now. The sleep mask - the ear plugs - separating me from all the sound, all the color, all the - mess, of this world. Cocooning me in a nice warm blanket - Mummifying me. Yeah, the end result of the tub vs blanket scenario - drain everything out, wrap me up... *giggles* Im not a vampire, Ima .. *dies*
Im a MOMMY!
*laughs hysterically*
somehow, I dont *think* this is how its supposed to feel, though.
At the same time, people keep throwing heavy blankets - duvets, over the top of the tub, slowly suffocating me - the weight - the darkness... pressure.
I cant fight, I can only, drown in the darkness, quiet, alone.
And the shit of it all, is that in reality, my life has never been better.
Our finances are stabling out. My daughter is in school and doing well. I get lots of me time. I have a "job" that rarely ever needs me, and pays me well when it does. Clayton and I are doing, better then ever... It seems I am once again rejoining society with a few friends. World of Warcraft is getting an amazing new expansion soon, my embroidery, while currently ignored - is doing better then ever.
But I barely have the energy to do housework. Honestly? Im not even sure, day to day, that I have the energy to get out of bed, and get the kids up. Everything seems - utterly futile. And for the first time in my life - I dont even want to eat. Even my most faverate treats are just - uninteresting. Almost unedible. The only thing I have any enjoyment from is apple juice. No clue why.
I just - want to sleep. I really enjoy that, right now. The sleep mask - the ear plugs - separating me from all the sound, all the color, all the - mess, of this world. Cocooning me in a nice warm blanket - Mummifying me. Yeah, the end result of the tub vs blanket scenario - drain everything out, wrap me up... *giggles* Im not a vampire, Ima .. *dies*
Im a MOMMY!
*laughs hysterically*
somehow, I dont *think* this is how its supposed to feel, though.
If you like reality -
with your gratuitous violence, I highly recommend "the Experiment"
Adrain Brody plays the lead, so of course - its perfect in execution.
Forrest Whitticker is opposite him, doing what he does best - the creepy yet innocent deranged...
And then, there's Clifton Collins Jr. Better known as "Romeo" in the Boondock Saints sequel - doing what he does best...
And last, but not least, the ever adorable, traffic stopping Travis Fimmel, as a sadistic, khole eyed bastard. Remind me star, to recast him, asap.
Its a brutal movie, but in the realm of "what happens when" I saw it as very plausible and realistic. And Could even be used to illustrate the entirety of the American Phenomenon in Microcosm.
Ill watch it again before I return it, but I think I may also be adding it to my collection.
And not just because Brody is shirtless through most of it... and Clifton... and Fimmel....
uh, yeah
Honestly - its actually a good movie...
Adrain Brody plays the lead, so of course - its perfect in execution.
Forrest Whitticker is opposite him, doing what he does best - the creepy yet innocent deranged...
And then, there's Clifton Collins Jr. Better known as "Romeo" in the Boondock Saints sequel - doing what he does best...
And last, but not least, the ever adorable, traffic stopping Travis Fimmel, as a sadistic, khole eyed bastard. Remind me star, to recast him, asap.
Its a brutal movie, but in the realm of "what happens when" I saw it as very plausible and realistic. And Could even be used to illustrate the entirety of the American Phenomenon in Microcosm.
Ill watch it again before I return it, but I think I may also be adding it to my collection.
And not just because Brody is shirtless through most of it... and Clifton... and Fimmel....
uh, yeah
Honestly - its actually a good movie...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
It dawned on me the other day...
that men really dont like thier women in thier "natural state".
Watching Deadwood made me realize that back in the 1800's - women were drugged on opiates - and the wealthier they were, the more they were kept drugged - under control - by dr's and so many others. The equivalent then, of anti-depressants today. Before then, it was corseting, chastity belts, and "vapors". In Roman times, wealthy women were encouraged to eat lotus flowers.
this isnt something Im going to get into in depth, nor is it something I plan to spend a great deal of time researching.. but I do have to wonder if there was ever a time in history, when women were simply allowed to be themselves, and not held to a paragon of behaviour that is impossible for us to maintain without the assistance of chemical and hormonal control.
How ugly is the path of history?
Watching Deadwood made me realize that back in the 1800's - women were drugged on opiates - and the wealthier they were, the more they were kept drugged - under control - by dr's and so many others. The equivalent then, of anti-depressants today. Before then, it was corseting, chastity belts, and "vapors". In Roman times, wealthy women were encouraged to eat lotus flowers.
this isnt something Im going to get into in depth, nor is it something I plan to spend a great deal of time researching.. but I do have to wonder if there was ever a time in history, when women were simply allowed to be themselves, and not held to a paragon of behaviour that is impossible for us to maintain without the assistance of chemical and hormonal control.
How ugly is the path of history?
Friday, October 1, 2010
Another quick morning - thing....
Scripture, particularly the old Testament, gets a bad rap - a lot. Out dated moral codes of behavior and guidelines for diet and behaviors that to us today, just seem - downright bizarre.
Special rights groups love to grab on to these, to make points just to make scripture seem ridiculous, and a lot of the time, they manage very well.
My complaint? They miss the overwhelming point of *why* the rules were given.
Even in the New Testament - they fail to see - the larger picture.
Maybe because its so - simple - that we honestly believe that - it cant be done.
All God wanted, was for *his* people, to be easily distinguishable, from those around them. He wanted their behaviors, *their* "cultural norm" - their eating habits, their clothes... the very way they thought - to be so different from the world around them, that they *didn't*fit* in*.
He wanted them set apart. - To continually remember that this earth, *wasnt* home. He doesnt want us satisfied with what we see around us. Oh, he wants us "happy" - His goal is not to make our lives miserable, but mostly - thats left up to us, and our own personal views. But satisfied? - Never. He wants us continually reminded that everything at *home* is better.
Ephesians 4
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”[d] Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own,[e] guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
These days - this alone, may be enough.
Special rights groups love to grab on to these, to make points just to make scripture seem ridiculous, and a lot of the time, they manage very well.
My complaint? They miss the overwhelming point of *why* the rules were given.
Even in the New Testament - they fail to see - the larger picture.
Maybe because its so - simple - that we honestly believe that - it cant be done.
All God wanted, was for *his* people, to be easily distinguishable, from those around them. He wanted their behaviors, *their* "cultural norm" - their eating habits, their clothes... the very way they thought - to be so different from the world around them, that they *didn't*fit* in*.
He wanted them set apart. - To continually remember that this earth, *wasnt* home. He doesnt want us satisfied with what we see around us. Oh, he wants us "happy" - His goal is not to make our lives miserable, but mostly - thats left up to us, and our own personal views. But satisfied? - Never. He wants us continually reminded that everything at *home* is better.
Ephesians 4
Living as Children of Light
17 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”[d] Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own,[e] guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
These days - this alone, may be enough.
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