blahblahrant

So - youve decided to become an idiot - I mean Christian...
My I express my sincere condolences.

First of all - yes, the world hates Christians.  With damn good reason.  We have raped, murdered and pillaged our way through history.
Oh! you dont mean that kind of Christian...
you mean the *real* kind.. the ones that those guys hate?
Oh well then, that changes *everything*

In that case, you arent an idiot at all - you're a damn fool.
You have my sincere condolences.
Welcome to the club.

So - youve accepted Christ into your heart as your personal Lord and Savior.. *clears throat*
(Dont ask)
You have a bible?
No - then get one.
Yes? then great - keep it close, youll be needing that.

Oh yeah, I do actually expect you to read it, not just to put it on your coffee table as a conversation piece to gather dust.  You can use your Special Edition World of Warcraft art books for that.

Whats that? You dont "get" it? You cant remember anything you read?
Let me insert here the needless platitude about all the things in a day that go through us, that we dont "feel" helping us... Or the current one floating around the web - the guy with the coal basket...water goes through, but cleans the basket - yeahyeah... you get it now?
Still think its stupid?
Tough shit, read it anyways.

No - you dont start at the beginning, dumb ass.  Its not a book book, its - a compendium of books.  Start at John.  Yes, at John.  Or if you "dont have much time" *insert eye roll here* then start at Proverbs.  There are 31 Proverbs.  There are usually?always? less then 32 days a month.  Read one a day.
Yes, for the rest of your life.
Yes, Im serious.
If you ask me if it gets boring Im going to smack you, just a warning.

Oh - why did I offer my condolences?
Well - first off - you;re a Christian - and people rightfully hate Christians.  and you may not be "one of those" but untill we come up wi th a name that seperates us from those - definitively - we're stuck with it.
Secondly - You now have the attention of hell.  No, Im not sure if its one demon, or many, or even Satan himself.

Uh, yes, I beleive all of that.  No, I dont think Im any more or less crazy then you yourself are.

Oh, dont worry, you may have thier attention, but its still light on the influence right now.
They're waiting to see what you *do* with this decision.

What do I mean by that?
Ohh Im sorry, were out of tiem for today, maybe we can start back up again tomorrow...

In conclusion - Im sorry, read... *looks at cell phone*   Proverbs 15...yeah
have a great day!