Movies and other stuff...

you were wondering -

Dragonlance (the cartoon) - Well.. the best thing I can say is that they did get some of my faverate lines right? *apologetic shrug* Michelle Trachenburg, Lucy Lawless, Keifer Sutherland all do voices, too bad they couldnt save the horrid animation and lack of story telling abilities. Oh it was a sad, sad, sad time on Kyrnn, let me tell you.

Becoming Jane - rent Pride and predjudice instead, its almost the same movie, only this one is supposed to be loosely based on fact.

Enchanted - and so I was - great, cute, funny, witty. This one, Ill own.

Into the WIld - SO very very sad. Based on a true life story and pimped heavily by Oprah, I thought Id give it a shot. It frustrated me and made me cry, but it was *good*.

I am Legend - The requisite Will SMith Summer Blockbuster. You would think we would all be tired of seeing Will SMith save the world by now, but - no - he manages to pull it off yet again. THis time though I kept looking for Oded and the other chick from... damn, Ive forgotten, Resident Evil, yeah... to show up. This was totally a Resident Evil film. Just with better plot, and WIll SMith. But still Resident Evil.

30 Days of Night - heralded as the best Vampire movie since...oh, that other halfways decent one, well - they were right. Now that they have that out of thier systems, who cant wait to see the Lost Boys sequel coming out this summer?

and for the other stuff....

I cried today...

as I watched Eva step away from the coffee table and take a few, tentitive unaided steps. Oh I was so happy and proud of her, but I cried anyways. She walked towards me, but in doing so, she took her first real steps away.

I have a face for the Great Canadian Assasin. Its about time. Hes an attractive man under the scar that ended his career. He *was* a hockey player, once.

I have a "new" Misha. He is younger, more fanatical and dangerous.

I of course, Have Max. No face, but he doesnt really need one. I could probably draw him. Still a large man, still dark skinned, still dreadlocked and still a prosecuting attorney.

I have Charles. Hes old - 80 some odd years old. I adore him - an old detective at the end of his game. Jeremy Irons, only older type.

And I have Mike. If Slash were Native American with Gary Dourdens face and eyes...

Theres also Vince, a 19 year old genious with curly brown hair and few social skills, and John, a 40-something overweight minister with no hope and no faith.

For my girls, oh my infamous girls...
I have Fatima. Middle Eastren and shirking evvery bit of culture.
I have Tuesday Manning - She 7. I think shes my faverate *laughs*
Georgette, whos blonde and fabulous and smart. Almost a Sue, but if you know my writing, you'll know Im rather incapable of writing one of those.
Susan. Oh how I love Susan. Someday, Ill find a real home for her. My one nod to CS Lewis, I just cant leave poor Susan alone.

I still have my two cherubs who never settled on a home anywhere - David Duchevney and .... ooo whats his face..... Danny Ocean... yeah.... him.
I have others, all in stories on my other computer.....

but the point is, I have muses slowly returning. Ideas, slowly returning.
Despite the depression which is getting worse and worse, despite the greif and the loss and the pain...
My head is absolute chaos. I cant focus, I cant think half the time. Im not who I used to be at all, and its damn painful.

There is too much in life that I dont have time to conquer. Languages i want to learn and cant, things I want to do, to study... In any averidge day I want to do bible study, needlepoint, work on playing instruments, cook, clean, look after my kids, exercise, learn languages, watch movies, write books and bible studies... travel and see all that the world holds.

Theres just too much. I dont know how anybody can just do one thing, Or be bored, or... not be excited to face a new day. I just dont get it.
And yet, its that wild expectation that *depresses* me. How can I do all thats in my heart to do? How can I even begin?

I have to let go of some of my desires. But which ones? How do you let go of unlimited possibility?

Dear Lord....

I am speeding.
My 16 month old daughter is locked in a car 1 hour outside of the city.
It is -23 out.
I am *definitely speeding.

So tell me - what is *your* emergency that you are going so very fast that you honk at me to get out of the "fast" lane because you have to pass me?
What is so dire that you pass me as if Im standing still when the road conditions are *this* bad?
*shakes head*
I dont get people.

well....

I have learned that when your hair is more than 50% grey - it will *not* turn the colour on the box - oh no - but will instead go many shades lighter. This is very frustrating when you want dark brown to blend a bit with your black tips, and end up with a very pretty medium brown.

Rafael finally has a pet.
Rafael has solo'd Ragefire Chasm.
Rafael officially rocks.

My boss is a Blood Elf. I am an Orc.
My co-workers are both Night Elfs.
I trianed a gnome yesterday. Her sister was an Orc. We decided this together, as she was a WoW addict as well.
I know, I am far too addicted when I start body-typing clients, but... you have no idea how hard you giggle when you actually see a Tauren walk into your place of business.

Kids are well. Eva still refuses to walk on her own. Its not that she cant, its just that she *wont.* As pretty as ever we are considering just never taking her out in public again - the attention she gets really is a little - overwhelming. Jade on the other hand is just - well - funny looking. Oh hes cute enough, and his smile is terribly infectious - but alot of that is simply because he *is* a funny looking kid. Not homely or anything just... yeah.... *laughs*
But his smile, and those big blue eyes. *sighs*

As for me? Well - Im doing - ok. Not enough sleep. Often, not enough food. But I ran the other night for 20 inutes for the first time in *ever* - only at 4.0 but it was a definite start. I can do almost 30 "girl" push ups now, and well - dont ask about the tumy crunches. My stomach muscles are so shot it isnt even funny. I cant do a crunch and get both legs up, so pilates classes are hell, but Ill keep working on it.
Mentally - meh. Im not suicidal, Im not homicidal, so *yay* there. But I dont want to do anything, and dont have alot of interest in doing things, and at times am finding it hard to even look after the kids. Too tired, too worn down. I keep hoping that the exercise will help, but... yeah. I won the "bad parent" of the week award today when I fell asleep and didnt wake up until 6. Poopers supposed to get fed at 5, and Toots needed a bottle by 5:30. She constantly amazes me - she was quiet and sweet tempered even after waiting so long for her dinner and diaper change. Toots...wellllllll.... I think hes still too young to have patience with his parents yet, and hes decided that anyone who isnt mommy needs to be screamed at - consistantly. But then I can look at him and know what he needs.
Was at Ikea yesterday, and almost strangled at least half a dozen parents who let there kids run wild, destroy things and throw temper tantrums in public. The one time Ive been in a restruant and Jade started fussing I took him outside and walked with him until he caled down. There was no way I was going to force any one else to suffer through his "Im so hungry and you didnt feed me in time so now I dont want my bottle until I calm down" fits. Its not fair to those who just wnat a quiet meal. And if Eva starts getting tempermental in a store we either take her out, or give her something to munch on, or more likely - just go home. Particularly in a place like Ikea. You *cant* tell me, if you are there with a scremaing 3 year old you are there because you are in desperate cant live without it need of something.
grrrrrr

Oh yeah - and a note to all Edmonton Drivers - pull your heads out of your asses, this isnt the first time this year we've had snow - stop acting like you just got off the boat from Bolivia and drive like a Canadian for a change - please.

OK - I think Im done now. *sheepish smile*
Have a good easter/lent?

New Computer

And I dont have everything installed yet, and apparently 1 gig of RAM isnt enough to run Vista well, but we will see...
Have patience with me while I get everything all set up again... and my links - *sighs*
yeah....
so much fun.

Now

There is a slow space
Between breath and life
It is filled with the sound of things
We dont do, dont say, dont feel.
The sunsets we see but dont watch
The petals we hold but dont touch.
The coffee we inhale but dont smell.

There is a small place of infinite grace
Buried deep in moments we miss

Stop. Breathe.
Notice grains of wood
How old is the table I sit at?
Watch determined snow
Does it know where it will land?
taste banana, chocolate, oats.
In this slow vast moment
What do you want to know?

Life was simpler...

before I knew what a walking push up was. Before I knew how badly my *ankles* hurt in a layered lunge.
Iron Reps and power sets have ruined me for life. I thought I was pretty good for my age/place in life, and oh that may be true but....

Id rather be able to get through a good set of push ups than eat a cookie.
Does that make me weird?

For the record - Walking push ups - Stand up. Bend over, hands to the floor. Walk your hands out until you are in a push up position. Do one push up. Walk hands back in until you are bent over. Stand up. Repeat.

Layered Lunge - Take a Weighted bar and set it across your shoulders. Put one leg up on a mid-hieght stair. Go up on your tippy-toe on the back foot. Now drop that knee down into the lunge. Repeat a few times. Now try holding down. Now try pulsing there.
Bring that heel down. Lunge into the top foot. Repeat. Go up on tippy-toe. Repeat.

ouch.

Oh where to start....

Jade has been sick - in hospital for a day and on a ventilator sick. There was risk of pneumonia. It was horrid, and continues to be.
Either AKiva has hit the Terrible Twos a full 9 months early, or my working is having a horrible effect on her. Demanding, screaming, bossy, and inconsolable. Mom, if you read this, I could really use a visit and some parenting advise.
I am sick as well, and fighting it like Ive never fought it before. Ive just started back to full workouts - 20 min warm up, 20 min cardio, 20 min cooldown, full weight circuit (3 sets of 12) at least three times a week and at least one class a week. My body feels like its been run over, but it feels *good*... but I really cant afford to get sick.

Warcraft. Very readdicted. You know its bad when you spend downtime at work checking out the clients and figuring out what race they would be. Really hard to tell sometimes between Blood and Night Elves... There arent too many Trolls, but Ive found some. Still trying to figure out what the difference between Gnomes and Dwarves are, other than attitude. The worst is undead - try - I dare you - the next time you are in a public place - to keep a straight face while actually *dealing* with an undead. All I can think of is that silly BE joke about the undead and facials. Its horrible.
Yes, and I am back to having the worst case of Alt-itis in the world, I just cant help my pathetic little self. I *have* to do it this way - my obsessive personality forces it, and I thank God I can just sit back and still say - just a game, doesnt matter.

Other than that - we survive. Its scary and difficult, and - well - Im coping, but barely. Oh how thankful I am for my drugs!