Step 4

out of 101.

Keep in mind, that life will not stop, if you reach your goal weight. I will still have crabby babies, I will still have bad days.

And thats true.
Even more true, is that a thin body, isnt necessarily a good body.

But for me, I know - a thinner body *is* going to make me live longer, have more energy, less depression, and make me stronger.
Which makes the crabby babies more tolerable, the bad days fewer and further between and for me, Im not sure theres an option between thin and good.

SO theres a dash of truth there....

Except - except......
When you look good, you *feel* good too.
It can be the worst day in the world, but if you feel thin and fabulous and have on an outfit that you know you look great in?
Now, I know - you can have a fabu outfit at any weight. You can even be sexy, at any weight.

But I know for me - size 16 doesnt cut it.
It just - doesnt.

Tired...

really tired. Someday, we will buy a new mattress that doesnt make us miserable.
Never a pillow top - never again, so help me God.

So... something new to notice.
Colossians 2.16-17

16Therefore no one is to (R)act as your judge in regard to (S)food or (T)drink or in respect to a (U)festival or a (V)new moon or a (W)Sabbath day--
17things which are (X)a mere shadow of what is to come; but the substance belongs to Christ.

If I choose to drink water, rather than alcohol.
If I like Whiskey, better than wine.

If I choose to eat shrimp, but abstain from pork.

If I choose not to celebrate modern versions of Easter, or Christmas....
If I choose to dress my children up as Peter Pan and Dracula, for Haloween.

If I choose Thursday as my day of rest.


God doesnt care.
The point is to recognize...
The food and drink will be far better in heaven.
The holidays will be truly Holy-days... and they will be *everyday* in the presence of the Lord.
The day of rest will not be optional.

Because here? We are just - shadows and dust.
Here? We just go through the motions.
Here - we are pilgrims in an unholy land, fighting for our own space.

But there, we will finally taste reality.

Today....

I took most of the day off from the net, and got my entire upstairs clean. It meant moving bookshelves from one room to the other, throwing out a couch, thankfully, Tigger vacuumed and did all that, but moving the books around, and all the small stuff, and changing three beds worth of sheets, and the four loads of laundry... I seriously wore myself out.
But my upstairs now looks more like the rest of the house, and less like a pit into which things disappear forever.

Scripture today was just - more of the same - things Ie spoken of countless times. Love, dont hate.
Look after those less fortunate than you.
Stop filling yourself with rage, and hate, and sinful desires.
Be free.

The message in 101 Things to do before you Diet, is almost - odd in contrast.
Its - just to take a seriously *honest* look at yourself.
They request naked, in front of a mirror. In full light.

I think 90% of my problem is my posture. If I actually stand up straight, use my strength to support my body, I dont look that bad. I mean, Im still - very - overweight, but I look *good*.
So - more yoga. and more tummy work, because its that lower tummy muscles that push my back straight that are weak, and making me look dumpier than I actually am.

But it is a goal.

From Gwendolyn MacEwen, I bring you only two lines today.
it echoes the first, and possibly even the second.

Seek simplicities.

We like to make things complicated, it makes us feel sophisticated and worldly. It makes us feel smart.
Water, stretching, natural foods.
Doing good.
Love.

These are simple things, that we would complicate beyond measure for our own entertainment. We make rules and laws - our own, as well as other peoples.
Pointless confusion lays there.

Trends, are busy. Classic is simple, functional, and beautiful.
I will seek the simple.

This wasnt what I planned to share today...

But days will never stop surprising you, if you let them.

From Gwendolyn MacEwan - A Poetic Introduction to the Collection "Breakfast with Barbarians"

"...breakfast
being a more profound and sacramental
meal than supper, because after all
it's the first meal, its the pact
you make with yourself to see the
day through."

Of all the evidence - scientific, logic, and - everything, I have ever read, about the importance of breakfast...
*this* right here? THat makes more sense to me than any thing else.

A full preparations for your day, a ceremony, almost, of acceptance and - promise.
You fill yourself for your day, With the day.
Morning light.

yes.

Galatians 4

False teachers. Its an odd very Christians term...
Used car salesmen of the church. Ive met quite a few.
They usually do quite well.

They like to flatter people. they arent big though, on really getting to know their people, because if they did, than they may actually have to you know - get into their lives and rebuke them.
They have Country Club churches.
They drive *really* nice cars.

ANd they teach their people to be as fake as they are.
They meet someone who really is - honest - and they smile and nod and walk away *fast*. Because if they spend too much time with them, someone may find out. They might figure it out - all those little sins they are hiding.

So the honest person, left in their midst for too long, no longer has support against their own vices, and the corruption, like yeast, spreads throughout the whole church...

Its ugly, and disgusting.
Paul had seen the honesty, and than came back, and saw the falseness of it all, and was horrified. He knew the leaders were to be blamed, but also, the people who accepted it.
The individuals, who could have risen to greater heights, were just as guilty.
Because Christ is a *personal* God, not just a far away God of a whole Nation.

The laws and the rules that man put on man, within Israel.... There was no freedom, no love - just blind rule following hate.
All in the Name of the One they didnt really understand - to feel important (Christ was humbled and humiliated)
To have influence (He visited with whores and lepers)
To have a place in society (He got his taxes from a fishes mouth and had no home)

Galatians 4... summery?
People are idiots.

Currently...

I am reading three books.

1) 101 Things to do before you Diet. Ive skimmed through the whole thing, and its *fabulous*. I highly recommend that every woman buy this book just on general principles. It will make you feel *great*.

2) Wishful Drinking, by Carrie Fisher.
Even after electroshock, this woman is amazingly funny, and witty. I may have to look into her other books as well. Amazing woman who I have a whole new crudload of respect for.

3)Selected Gwendolyn MacEwan
This woman writes with the language of my heart. Im not even kidding. I can sit and mull over one of her pieces for hours. Just one phrase can stick in my soul for days. Last night, I just read one poem, and even this morning, "The Peril of Beauty" - half a line, from one poem, fills me with so many fabulous ideas and thoughts and stories I could sing with joy.

yes, Im still trying to read more scripture as well. I know I need it.

So this is my way of saying, or giving an apology if this seems a bit like a reading blog lately. Its not going to get any better, Im sorry. I think about what I read. I cant help it.

In other news - Eva continues to say "I love You" to me on regular intervals, Jade fell down the back yard stairs yesterday, and today has a nasty bit on the side of his face, and his eye is swollen and looks like a nice fat black eye. But he can count well to ten and even recognizes his numbers when he sees them, something Eva doesnt seem to have any interest in at all.

And now a story I promised to tell, but of course, forgot about.
This story will be called "Parenting with FAS - Example 1."

I get Jade and Eva out of bed in the morning, and come downstairs.
I sit at my computer, and do my morning "stuff".
I start breakfast, and see my ipod has finally been returned.
I go back to the computer, and re-sync my playlists.
I download a song.
I go back, and finish making breakfast.
I look down at the floor, and note a large puddle of liquid.

It is at *that* point, I remember that Jades diaper was falling off of him when he came down the stairs, I took it off when he got to the bottom, and I was supposed to put another on him as soon as we got to the bottom of the stairs.
What happened?
I forgot.
Like it never even happened forgot.

So, I cleaned it up, diapered the boy, fed the kids, and laughed all morning long.
Because honestly, if it *wasnt* funny... yeah.
We wont go there.

THankfully *that* hasnt happened before. *giggles*
Hope everyone is having a good morning. I know I am!

Few thoughts...

2 Cor 12.
Paul brags - he does. He cant help himself. Its defensive, but I get it.
Paul owes no one, anything - and more than that - He refuses to *take* anything.

No money, no fancy clothes, no big chariots. He was always - unimpressive. Except in his speech.
A shame... that so few ministers seem to understand that principle.

Which brings me to one of my favorite passages of all time.
Hebrews 11.38

just a short phrase in parenthesis. (men of whom the world is not worthy)

Paul, was one of those men.
I havent met too many in real life. A few scattered old time Saints, who truly knew - lived and breathed in the beating heart of God.

There is, in my mind, no greater epitaph that could be attached to a name, and in the long run, I hope someday, to be worthy of that.
To have just one person, think, say, believe - that the world was not worthy of *me*.

Its not a point, I think, that you know when youve reached yourself. Its between the World, and God.
Thats when you *truly* point the Way.
Its all I want.

Well... no.
Thats wrong.
What I *want* is to live and breathe in that beating heart of God.
Its not that I want the world to look at me, Id rather it didnt.
I want God to look at me.
I want to look at God, and be utterly consumed.
I want to demand His love, His attentions, His wisdom, His grace. (Thanks, Clover, for the beautiful analogy)
I want it to be the only thing I want.

OMG

Today is the best day of my life. My daughter just said "I love you mama" - unprompted by me.

You know....

I think the hardest thing to do in life - is just to be be happy with what we have.
Love, Life, Work....
all of it, and everything.

Just to be content.

And sometimes, I think its because we have too much time on our hands. Too much time to sit and contemplate who and what we have, who and what we want.

People struggling for survival, dont suffer from depression. They are thankful for every moment.
The more we have, the *worse* our discontentment becomes.

We have such a screwed up way of looking at life, it isnt even funny.
I dare you to even try to think of a way to reward yourself, *without* WANTING something.

We are a culture of sick, sick people.

Interesting. At least to me.

Phil 3.8-9

⁸More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of ^O)">(O)knowing ^P)">(P)Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,

⁹and may be found in Him, not having ^Q)">(Q)a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, ^R)">(R)the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith

A very long time ago, I went in to get my credentials as a Pentecostal minister. During the interview, some things were legitimately brought to light wherein I could not receive those. Basically - although I was doing active ministry, It wasn't in a Pentecostal church. I wasn't even attending a Pentecostal church at the time. Now - I understand also, these are loopholes. If they had wanted me, they would have done it anyways.

Now adays, Im actually rather thankful I never got it.

But one thing always bothered me. And that was how they jumped on my use of the word "trash" when it came to my reading selections.

I did try to explain to them, that What I meant was *anything* that wasn't scripture. That I included legitimate literature, Biographies, and even textbooks in that pile. I wish now, I knew this verse better, as to scripturally back up my call.

Compared to the knowledge of Christ? What is Tolkien? Lewis? Lucado? What matters Wilkensen, or even Graham?

Apparently though - what I said was very, very wrong - and I realize something today that hurts deeply. These leaders of the church? These fine men and women who sat before me? They preferred the written words of men, to the Word. No better than the Catholics that they so slandered in their classes for following "The traditions of men" - They railroaded me for putting the Word of God so high above everything else.

It didn't occur to me then, that what I said there may have stung them.

It didn't occur to me than, that they were the ones being defensive. Angry at me for tapping their hollow metal gods.

Such a shame, that a simple reminder of what comes *first* can upset so many.

I should have shaken the dust from my feet when I left that building, and I will always be ashamed that I didnt. But now, I am certianly assured - Im never going back.

My daughter....

is very, very strange....

More picspam

Jade in his Camo pants. Hes changed and grown so much this year, it just blows my mind. But those pants just look adorable on him.













Akivas mattress had to be the most uncomfortable thing ever, and when we realized that she wasnt even sleeping on it, but just useing it as a pillow, we knew it was time to get her a new bed. Rather than just - buy a bed, we just got her a mattress for now, and obviously, it needed sheets.

Now one of the great regrets of my childhood is that mom and dad *never* let me pick out my own bedsheets/blankets/towels. I got stuck with old *old* cast offs from when they used to share a bed. So I was determined that Eva would have her own pick (within reason ). So today we went to bed bath and beyond, and after I convinced her - no, she wasnt allowed to get the same ones mommy was drooling over the other day, myself and a few others (she attracted 4 store clerks, with apparently nothing else to do other than coo and adore the little well behaved red-head) managed to get her to the kids section, where she instantly glommed to the softest, fluffiest things *ever* - also, the most obnoxious. So - pink and purple sheets, with fuchia comforter and throw pillows it is.

It suits her to a "T"

Debating....

Paper, or not?

In realization that my memory is shit, and that someday, I may want to know - certian things... Im considering turning this into an actual - daily blog. Filled with the details of my day to day life.
I perfer to write, personally. Probably a hold over, bordering on archaic, these days from times about to disappear. But in many ways, paper is hardly as substantial as the net. A fire cannot destroy my postings, nor can flood.
But it does lack the romance of old journals.

SO - for the few who suffer here with my few and odd posts.... what are your opinions?

There are no words, in elvish, entish or the tongues of man

*shudders* I have never been more disgusted in my life....

Deep Fried Butter.
Im not kidding, heres the link
This has got to be the most nauseating, disgusting thing ever.

The argument, is that it tastes like warm toast.
So I say - eat warm toast. Whole wheat - hell, even Wonderbread is healthier than Fat, fried in fat, and than rolled in sugar?

How hungry *are* Americans, anyways, that they would eat something *that* disgusting?